Greetings fight fans and welcome back to the preparations for Blogger Blitz: Black Sheep! The month of May has been dedicated to creating events for the first round of the competition, and adventurers just like you have submitted all kinds of wacky ideas. Twice a week on Twitter I shared those ideas and folks voted for their favorite combinations, all leading up to today’s event: the final vote deciding which four of these goofy challenges will make it into the Blogger Blitz this year!
Here’s how it works: I’ll describe in detail the six different events that were submitted and designed over the course of the last month. At the end of this post there will be a poll which will allow you to choose your four favorite events to be featured in the competition. REMEMBER TO VOTE FOR FOUR EVENTS! The poll will remain open until the very end of May – once June comes along, the poll will close and the FOUR winning events will be officially decided (4).
With all that being said, let’s talk about each event and what it entails for our villainous competitors!
GREAT BADDIE BAKE OFF
Mundane event: bake something – Overthinker Y
Gaming complication: Tonberry (Final Fantasy) – Shoot the Rookie
Good guys always get cake. Whether Mario saves the princess or a cartoon mascot needs an energy boost, cake is always there for the protagonists. But when it comes to villains, the cake is a lie. This event is the opportunity to correct this awful slight. Each villain must bake a cake from start to finish, but the ingredients aren’t just sitting out in the open – its going to take some evil ingenuity to locate milk, eggs, flour, and whatever toppings might be desired for this sweet treat. All the while, a Tonberry slowly approaches, immune to all forms of attack, its butcher knife glinting with wicked anticipation. Can our competitors avoid the Tonberry’s knife while preparing a delicious cake? That’s what they’ll have to prove to the judges in the Great Baddie Bake Off!
PARKING PANIC
Mundane event: reverse into a parking spot – Shoot the Rookie
Gaming complication: boss rush – Reaper Interactive
It’s Villain Con and each competitor is on their way to buy expensive merchandise and listen to panels while surrounded by other uncomfortable, sweaty introverts for hours at a time. Alas, when they reach the parking garage, the only spot left is on the fifth floor. They’ll have to reverse into the final parking space, but to do so they’ll have to battle a boss on each level as they rise. On the first level they’ll face Gandhi from Civilization IV; on the second level they’ll face Kirby from, well, all the Kirby games; on the third level they’ll face Dark Eater Mdir from Dark Souls III; and on the fourth level they’ll face Donkey Kong and his classic barrels from Donkey Kong. Find out if our villainous competitors can do the impossible and successfully park their vehicle in Parking Panic!
TOTALITARIAN TEATIME
Mundane activity: make tea – Later Levels
Gaming complication: buy stamina with microtransactions – Overthinker Y
There’s no battle more heated than the witty barbs tossed across a table where tea is being served. Our evil heroes are hosting a tea party for the other neighborhood villains, but their fiercest rival is present at the party to undermine them. The battle for social control is complicated by the fact that every sentence of conversation drains your stamina bar. While the competitors can only restore conversational stamina by focusing on making their tea, the rival has purchased the Enhanced Male Performance DLC and now has unlimited stamina for the party. Is that the only paid DLC they’re using to get ahead? Can our antagonistic heroes still prove themselves socially superior? Vote for Totalitarian Teatime to find out!
GROCERY GAMES
Mundane activity: go grocery shopping – The Daily Rager
Gaming complication: bugs/glitches – The Well-Red Mage
Hey, even bad guys need milk and bread. How else is Bowser Jr supposed to grow up big and strong to take over the kingdom? After putting in a hard day’s work at the office (or castle, or futuristic laboratory, or wherever else each villain may work), each competitor heads to the grocery store to buy a list of thirty items to fit into a single cart. The problem? The after-work grocery rush has left them only one cart to work with, and as always its the worst possible one. The cart is glitched, clipping on walls, randomly dropping merchandise and causing all sorts of problems while shopping. Which villain will overcome the glitch and finish their shopping on time? That’s exactly what we’ve set out to discover in Grocery Games!
BLOGGER BLITZCEPTION
Mundane activity: start a blog – The Well-Red Mage
Gaming complication: three-headed monkey – Later Levels
In a competition where bloggers submit blog posts about their favorite characters for a panel of judges to determine which is the best, they’ll be challenged to write a blog post about their favorite character writing a blog post. Then the post within the post will be judged by the judges to determine which blogger wins, which by extension will determine which blogger wins. What? As if that’s not complicated enough, each villain has been sent a nefarious “helper” by their rivals – a three-headed monkey! The monkey does all the typing for them, so how can each villain use their abilities to influence the monkey to write rightly? It’s the blogger blitz within the Blogger Blitz – it’s Blogger Blitzception!
FIVE COURSE FACEOFF
Mundane activity: cook a 5-course meal – Reaper Interactive
Gaming complication: cybernetic house cat assassins – The Daily Rager
Even the bad guys deserve a special treat every now and again. Their spouse is out of town for the weekend, the villainous children are with evil grandma – each competitor can now whip up a massive, decadent meal all for themselves. The only problem? Having the family out of the house is also the perfect time for assassins to strike. The villains must successfully prepare all five courses of their meal while fighting off a hit squad composed entirely of cybernetic house cats. Can our competitors slave over a hot stove while also kicking some mechanical kitty can? That’s the question that Five Course Faceoff dares to ask!
There you have it, fight fans! While all of these six events are fantastic and were lovingly crafted by the art of Twitter polls, the time has come to narrow them down to the top four that will make an appearance in the actual competition starting in July. Anyone reading this post may cast their vote, and you’ve got one week to make your decision and choose the FOUR events that you want to see in the Blogger Blitz. Thanks so much to everyone who participated either in the event submission or the event design polls, and I hope you’re as excited for the Blogger Blitz as I am!
Adventure Rules 