Deserted Again: Return to the Island

If you’ve been an adventurer long enough to have been around for the very first Charming and Open event, you might remember the day when I was shipped off to a deserted island with nothing but a small selection of video games to my name. I figured that day would be the first and the last that I spent on some far-flung island, but it seems that fate is about to send me back. Or rather, Lightning Ellen is about to send me back. Once again Charming and Open has given someone the opportunity to put me in a precarious position, but instead of taking games with me this time, I get a single video game character as my companion.

I will include here the original text of Ellen’s question, because I am going to interpret today’s post in two very distinct ways. I’m pretty confident of which one she actually meant but because of the potential ambiguity, I want to make sure I cover all of my bases. So here is the original question in Ellen’s own words:

“If you were stranded on a desert island with one video game character, who would it be and why?”

Seem too simple to interpret in multiple ways? Oh ho ho, adventurers, simplicity is the mother of misinterpretation. I think that’s how the quote goes, anyway. So to make sure that Ellen gets the answer she really asked for, prepare to embark with me on a second deserted island journey, this one with two very different potential outcomes.

Arrow Oliver Queen
Surely this is the last time I’m coming back to the deserted island, right?…guys?…

INTERPRETATION ONE: WHO WOULD I CHOOSE TO BE STRANDED ON A DESERTED ISLAND WITH?
This is, by my estimation, the intended interpretation of Ellen’s question. I find myself stranded, with no one around to help me except for one single person. What person would I want to be my companion in that situation? For me the answer to this question was a no-brainer; who better to have at my side on a deserted island than Breath of the Wild’s very own Link?

Link has come up as a potential candidate for a lot of these Charming and Open questions, but this time he truly is the right guy for the job. While perhaps in any year before this one he’d be a less likely candidate, Breath of the Wild has demonstrated that there is no hero better equipped for wilderness survival. Link is a gifted warrior who can master any weapon he picks up, and he has even been shown to use tree branches to lethal effect. He’s a skilled archer and a stealth expert, which allows him to hunt quite effectively. Of course, he’s not just tough – he’s smart, too. Link is a master of foraging and can identify which sort of plants or other materials are safe for consumption and which ones are better used for other purposes.

Of course, this guy doesn’t just gather the food – Link is a mean cook and can create all sorts of magical and potent recipes. When the island gets cold, a Spicy Meat and Seafood Skewer hits the spot and keeps you nice and toasty. During blazing hot days, he strategically uses hydromelons to create refreshing Simmered Fruit dishes. Link’s meals keep you healthy, strong, and safe, all of which are very important for survival on a deserted island.
Breath of the Wild SidonOf course, I wouldn’t just be keeping Link around as some kind of personal chef. He has other skills necessary for island survival. I already mentioned that he’s a fierce warrior, which is great, but he’s also an excellent athlete – particularly when it comes to climbing. His ability to scale dangerous cliffs without pause (unless it’s raining) is excellent for getting a look around the island to identify safe locations for us to rest for the night, or to find resources we need to keep on living. The guy can chop wood, create fires with flint, utilize physics effectively for both travel and combat; there’s no task on a deserted island that Link can’t handle.

If you need proof of his qualifications for the job, look at the Stranded on Eventide shrine quest. He literally survives on a deserted island, defeating monsters and solving puzzles in order to unlock a shrine. And as soon as he arrives, the power of the Sheikah monk watching over the shrine immediately strips him of all supplies except for his Sheikah Slate. Link skillfully handles that trial and unlocks the shrine – in the middle of a lightning storm, too! When it come to my survival on this deserted island, I would be a fool to choose anyone other than Link as my companion. Of course, that’s where interpretation two comes in…

INTERPRETATION TWO: WHOSE FAULT WOULD IT BE THAT I AM STRANDED ON A DESERTED ISLAND?
This was honestly the first place my mind went when reading the question. The way it is phrased made it feel to me less like I was choosing a companion and more like my companion was responsible – “if you were stranded on a desert island with one video game character, who would it be and why?” Who the heck got me into this mess, anyway? Why are we stranded? And when I thought about which video game character could somehow get me stuck in a mess of this caliber, I knew exactly who would be responsible.
Phoenix Wright SheepishPhoenix Wright, Ace Attorney. He’s a well-meaning guy to be sure, but goodness he’s clumsy too. He and I are very alike in that way, and if there is anybody who could possibly land me on a deserted island with them, it would be this dude.

Let’s talk examples. Everyone of importance to Phoenix Wright finds themselves in hot water one way or other. Larry Butz, his grade school best friend, is accused of murder at the very beginning of the first game. He also factors into three more cases as a witness during the events of the original trilogy. Now Phoenix attributes this ill luck to Larry rather than himself – “if something smells, it’s usually the Butz” – but there’s evidence that Phoenix himself is the unlucky one.

Consider, for example, the case of poor Maya Fey. Serving as Phoenix’s right hand (or rather, his WRIGHT hand ahahahahahahaha) has gotten her into loads of trouble. She has been directly accused of murder and indirectly accused of murder, kidnapped, arrested for contempt of court, and nearly killed. There’s also Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix’s court rival and – let’s be honest – his secret crush. Edgeworth’s involvement with Phoenix has caused the tarnishing of his reputation as a prosecutor and has saddled Edgeworth with “unnecessary feelings.” And let’s not forget that Edgeworth has also been accused of murder and had to call on Phoenix to be his defense.

Now of course it could be said that Phoenix himself is not directly responsible for most of these things, but the point stands that the people who know Phoenix are often caught in his destructive wake. It is not so ridiculous to think that this guy could get me in some very hot water – on a deserted island, no less. I can see it now: a juvenile on my caseload hires on Phoenix as their attorney. Phoenix’s illegal investigation uncovers that juvenile’s involvement with a street gang that wants the kid to take the fall for more powerful members of the organization, and those gangsters decide to send the kid’s attorney and case worker on a very long one-way trip in order to prevent their evil plan from falling apart.
Phoenix Wright SweatingSo there you have it adventurers – the character I would want to save me from a deserted island, and the goon who would probably get me there in the first place. If you enjoyed today’s post, be sure to return on Friday for what will not only be the final post of the Charming and Open event but also the final Adventure Rules post of 2017! You can also work backwards and check out all the other posts from the event this month – I’ve answered a lot of questions and so have the other participants, so go check out all of their content and give them follows as well. Thanks for reading, adventurers, and feel free to leave a comment with your own choices for this deserted island disaster!

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