Please stop using my name as a broad classification for people who become useless throughout the game. It’s very inconsiderate to treat your elders in such a way! If I had more than 4 Speed I would chase you down and set about you with my javelin!
Can you make sure there’s more candy at the next Thieves’ Meeting? There wasn’t enough last time and I fell asleep halfway through. Also, I stole your dagger to peel fruit. Hope you don’t mind.
Dear Kyle and Forde, Oscar and Kieran, and Sully and Stahl,
Can you please stop stealing our thing? We are the original red knight and green knight. We are totally original and not a knockoff of anything. You really need to get your own thing. Yeesh.
Cordially, Cain and Abel
I used to feel strange for thinking my niece was a dreamy guy, but your weird big sister thing is way worse! I totally feel better now. Thanks!
Can anyone see me? I’ve been here shouting this entire post!
Dear Intelligent Systems,
Can we just take a second to address how freaking weird it is that I can be my own grandmother? What kind of Back to the Future nonsense is this? No wonder I have serious mother issues!
You need to stop romanticizing stalking. No, seriously. My behavior is thoroughly disturbing and is not a healthy expression of genuine attraction. If you treat someone you like the way I treat Robin, I promise you it will not be romantic, it will be traumatizing. If you want to succeed in relationships, express yourself in an open and honest way that does not violate the humanity or personal space of the person you like.
I can keep my feelings for you inside no longer. I love you. Ever since we first fought side by side upon the battlefield, I knew you were the one for me. I hope you feel the same way and that the two of us can be together. I am entrusting this letter for you to Takumi, who I know is a trustworthy person and would never betray my trust. I look forward to hearing back from you.
What do you mean, weird big sister thing?
Thanks for taking the time to read today’s post! If you enjoyed this shorter, goofier style, then you might want to check out my other Cordially posts, featuring letters from fish, goombas, adult gamers, and even the sun! Remember to come back Friday to see the last old segment, and be sure to vote on which segment you want to see return to the blog!