The Beginning of the Beginning; or, #MyFirstPostRevisited

Adventurers, a challenge has been issued. As a gamer, I can never say no to a challenge. No difficulty setting is too high, no challenge run too extreme, no secret boss too mighty. But this challenge, oh…this challenge is gonna be something.

First of all, credit where it’s due. This challenge was issued to me by my friend Charlotte over at Mosaicca, a lovely lifestyle blog that also dabbles pretty frequently in the sort of geekery my followers generally appreciate. So definitely go check out her work, as it’s quite good!

I have the power to nominate others, if I so choose…I know that the excellent Well-Red Mage recently celebrated a first bloggiversary about a month ago, so seeing the first post could be quite interesting. I’ll also nominate a new blogging pal of mine, Geddy, who has been around just a smidge longer than I have and whose first post could trigger some nostalgia. Naturally, participation is voluntary, but if you like the idea then feel free to join in.

The rules, as I understand them, are as follows: I have to post my actual first post, not my first GOOD post or the first one that got likes or whatever. Including the hashtag in the post title is also apparently a thing, so we’ll run with it. So without further ado, here it is – wait, wait, okay, there actually needs to be an introduction here first.

THE HISTORY OF MY BLOG

Long ago (okay, not actually that long), I was a senior in college. Those were good times – I was happily engaged to the woman who is now my wife, my best friends all lived within a mile of me, and I had no adult responsibilities other than making sure I passed my classes. I miss those days, or rather, the simplicity of them. And having access to a reliable tabletop group, but that’s a whole ‘nother post. Anyway, at the time I was taking a class called “Senior Seminar” for my theater degree, and one of my assignments for that class was to start a blog.

Why did I have to start a blog for a theater course? Beats me. I’m sure at the time I knew the answer to that question and the answer made sense to me, but I’ve slept since then and I honestly have no idea what that was all about. Anyway, as starting a blog was an assignment, I went online, found WordPress, created a login, and posted my first ever post on my brand new blog: The Opposite of People.

Wait, what?

You see, this isn’t the story of when I started Adventure Rules. This is the story of when I started my real first blog, a theater blog that took its name from one of my favorite plays, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. I posted one post on there, which apparently met the course requirements, and then promptly forgot about it and never posted anything again.

Fast forward to August 2015. I’ve been graduated for a year, my wonderful son is only a couple of months old, and I’m currently between jobs. Bored and wanting to start a hobby that’s a bit more productive than playing video games all day, I decide to start a blog. And write about the video games I play all day. Hey, it’s a start, okay? So I go online, find WordPress, create a login – oh wait. This says I already have a WordPress. What?

Oh. That’s right. The Opposite of People.

Rather than create a whole new blog and leave the old one alive, I decided at that moment to simply rebrand. I deleted the one post, changed all the graphics and the setup and the blog’s name, and Adventure Rules was born.

Unfortunately, I don’t have that one post from The Opposite of People. Man, do I wish I did. Reposting that would be absolutely amazing, I think. Alas, it is gone, and so instead we’ll have to settle for my first post on Adventure Rules. So now, without further ado – for real this time – my first ever blog post (sorta).

SUPER MARIO AND THE SOLUTION TO PARTISAN POLITICS

The Mushroom Kingdom has a pretty harsh political climate. Princess Peach rules over the Toads, tiny people who wear terribly un-stylish mushroom hats. King Bowser rules over the Koopas, turtle people who underneath their tough exteriors are just softies in polka-dot boxers. These two factions are constantly battling one another, with Bowser kidnapping Peach over and over again. Peach is then rescued by her friend Mario, and the whole thing starts over again with another kidnapping. Negotiations are brutal, and often involve falling into pits of lava.

Yet when 5 o’clock rolls around and Peach, Bowser, and Mario all get off of work, what do they do? They go to each others’ houses and race go-karts, play sports, and have parties. Though they may be political enemies, in real life they’re great friends.

Jump-cut to the good ole USA. Tension between Democrats and Republicans is at an all-time high. I could bring up credible research to prove that, but instead I’ll use an anecdote from my own life. In 2008 I participated in the KY Governor’s School for the Arts. The students were grouped into focus groups of 10 randomly selected people from different artistic disciplines. The focus groups were meant to expose students to people with different cultures and ideals. We could discuss anything we wanted – art, hobbies, religion – but there was one forbidden topic. Politics.

That’s right. Politics were considered more divisive than religion. And that was seven years ago.

2016 is an election year, so the tension between Democrats and Republicans is about to reach a boiling point. So how can Super Mario help us avoid a catastrophe? How can Bowser and Peach teach us to have Trump and Clinton playing tennis together at a mansion somewhere?

A common enemy.

Bowser has joined Mario and Peach two times (that I am aware of) in the series’ history. The first was in Super Mario RPG, and the second was in Super Paper Mario. And this team-up happened because both times, someone bigger and scarier than Bowser had plans to ruin the entire world. Even the entire universe. So despite their personal political differences, the Mushroom Kingdom and the Koopa Clan worked together to save the world.

That’s why they can play sports together. That’s why they have parties where they jump over ropes of fire and try to feed each other to carnivorous flowers. There’s someone that both sides hate more than each other.

So here is my proposal. All the little third-party political parties that no one has ever heard of need to band together into one super-party. And that party needs to select a candidate SO unfit for office – and yet so popular in the news – that Democrats and Republicans have no choice but to work together to stop the greater evil.

If only Miley Cyrus was 35…

So this is where you come in, reader. Who do you think should be the supervillain that will unite Democrats and Republicans together? Discuss it in the comments so we can quickly come up with a solution to the partisan problem.