Cordially, Goombas

Dear Mario,
Don’t be angry at us about the chewing gum on your shoes. That’s karma for stomping us on the mouth.
Cordially,
Goombas

Dear Live Action Movie,
We are NOT Toads. Toads don’t get turned into Goombas. Toads get turned into bricks. And then Mario smashes them. Bet you forgot about that part of the story, didn’t you?
Cordially,
Goombas

Dear Bowser,
Have you counted your soldiers lately? There are way more Goombas than Koopas. Please consider changing the name of your organization to the “Goomba Troop.”
Cordially,
Goombas

Dear Yoshi,
Your digestive and reproductive system make no sense. Please send us a detailed diagram so we can more accurately teach our children about you in school.
Cordially,
Goombas

Dear Mario,
Why can you breathe in space in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door but not in Super Paper Mario?
Cordially,
Goombas

Dear Peach,
Next time you invite us to a party, can we be actual guests? We’re tired of being punched, stomped, dodged, photographed, and counted, but never fed.
Cordially,
Goombas

Dear Nintendo,
Baby Rosalina doesn’t exist. So why is she in Mario Kart but we don’t get to be? This is racism.
Cordially,
Goombas