Readers, it’s happening. I’m writing this on Sunday and scheduling it to post on Thursday because in all likelihood, when you’re reading this, I will be knee-deep in a bonafide real life adventure, complete with danger, world travel, and money. Potential for romance, too, but I’m happy with my current marriage. Besides, love stories aren’t manly!
Here’s the situation. I arrived home from work today and proceeded to go through my usual technology checks: e-mail, Facebook, WordPress (yeah, no Twitter; I’m aged beyond my natural years). While checking my e-mail, seeing I had nothing in my inbox, I went to check my spam folder. After all, sometimes legitimate e-mails are flagged incorrectly and go into junk when they’re actually important.
That’s exactly what happened to me today.
In my spam folder was an unmarked message from someone I did not recognize. For the safety of the sender, let’s just call her “Princess.” Princess reached out to me personally from her home in – let’s call it Fantasia – where she is in dire need of my help.
You see, Princess used to be married to a handsome Prince. But he died two years ago, and now his family, the evil King and Queen, want the inheritance money for themselves. The only way to get it is to kill Princess and her young child – did I mention she has a child? – so that the money only has one place to go. Back to the parents.
Princess is currently hiding for her life. She reached out to me – me personally – to beg me to provide her information so she can wire the money to me here in America. She will then come and join me here in my country.
To entice me to help, she attached pictures of herself to the message. But I have a generous, heroic soul. I have no need to see her no doubt wholesome and tasteful pictures to know she needs my help.
She asked for my personal information, but I’m gonna do her one better. I’m going to get myself a ticket to Fantasia, take up my steel, and save her from her evil in-laws.
Think about it! Video games have been training me for this. I know all the right techniques for saving money, defeating monsters, and outwitting evil palace guards. I even know how to jump off of a rooftop and not die by landing in a conveniently placed stack of hay. There’s nothing I can’t do, and with my powers I will save Princess and make sure she and her innocent baby get the inheritance money they deserve.
But I’m going to need your help, readers. Please leave comments with your advice about how to overcome the evil King and Queen so I can save the Princess and her inheritance money. Every piece of knowledge you have to provide may mean the difference between my success – and my untimely, unheroic demise. Is unheroic a word? Doesn’t matter.
I’m a real adventurer now.