6 More Essential Spells for Parents

Last Tuesday I posted about the 7 Wizard Spells that Every Parent Needs, courtesy of Dungeons and Dragons. But those spells didn’t cover the plethora of scenarios in which magic could be helpful to a parent. So today let’s talk about some more spells that are both practical and simple.

These spells come from the video game Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch. If you have never played this game, I’m truly sorry. It’s brilliant. Great story, fun characters, incredible graphics, beautiful music that is still stuck in my head months later – seriously, it’s incredible. Anyway, the game chronicles the adventures of a young man named Oliver, who travels over from the real world into a magical realm where he is a fledgling wizard known as the Pure Hearted One who is destined to save the world.

Magic in Ni no Kuni requires nothing more than rudimentary artistic talent. Just draw the rune that represents the intended spell, and BAM, instant magic. The following picture presents those runes, in the order that I am going to discuss them. As long as you can draw those, you can cast any of the spells I mention in this post. Without further ado, let’s get started!

So much easier than hunting a live cricket.
So much easier than hunting a live cricket.

Spell #1: Travel
While it can be fun taking your children on trips, the actual trip part can be pretty frustrating. All that time spent in close-quarters turns siblings from uneasy allies into mortal enemies, with outcries like “his jacket is touching my side of the car!” defining the entire car ride. Not to mention, by the time you’re done driving you’re too exhausted to actually enjoy the trip.
That’s where the travel spell comes in. Just draw the symbol for the spell and you are instantly teleported to any place you have been to before. Want to head to grandma’s two states over? Instant family visit! Or maybe you’d like to enjoy a miniature second honeymoon while the kids are asleep? A few quick swishes of your pencil, brush, or finger and you’ll find yourself whisked away to a romantic restaurant in a far-away place.

Spell #2: Spring Lock
If your house is like most, there are locks in it. Those locks are for your protection. When some punk shows up trying to steal from you (not knowing that all you have to your name is a fistful of change and the Lego jabbing into your foot), locks are what keep you safe. But in a child’s eyes, locks are the perfect accessory to a nice, loud temper tantrum.
When your son or daughter decides to lock you out, don’t scramble for a screwdriver or search desperately for something small enough to put into that offensively tiny hole that’s supposed to unlatch the door. Instead, just draw the Spring Lock symbol on the door with your finger, and the door will open. Your child will be amazed at how quickly you managed to foil the locked door plan.  And terrified at what else you might have in store.

Spells #3-4: Take Heart and Give Heart
I cannot tell you how many times I heard the phrase “if I only had half of that kid’s energy” growing up. It’s a lament I’ve heard from countless parents and grandparents. Our children seem to have a secret organ that is specifically designed to secrete caffeine and keep their energy level three times higher than any adult could achieve. Sometimes, though, there are different imbalances. Your son is too nice and accommodating while your daughter is meaner that a wasp. Your spouse never wants your attention anymore while your child won’t give you five seconds peace.
Take Heart and Give Heart are designed to eliminate such imbalances. Take Heart allows you to pull out something that your child has in excess: energy, kindness, trust, anything is fair game. Give Heart then allows you to reallocate that something, placing it into your other kids, your spouse, even yourself. Now you can finally tip the balance of power in your favor, removing your son or daughter’s excess energy and filling yourself in the process.

Spell #5: Secret Ingredient
Kids seem to never be able to make up their minds about food. First they complain about how you never cook anything good. Then when you cook a four course meal, they just want a grilled cheese. And in the meantime you’re wasting perfectly good ingredients or making a dozen trips to the grocery store.
No more with this spell! Secret ingredient allows you to use just one ingredient – ONE – to make a full meal. Your kid wants a grilled cheese? Just cast this spell on a single slice of cheese and it will make the most delicious grilled cheese your kid has ever tasted. You want a steaming roast in the meantime? Sprinkle some magic over the can of green beans in your pantry and watch as the other courses of the meal come to life. Not only is this spell a time-saver, but your grocery budget will be effectively eliminated.

Spell #6: Broom Broom
You know in the movie Fantasia when Mickey Mouse gets all the brooms to dance around and do all the cleaning for him? Yeah, this spell lets you do that. Not just with brooms, either, but with dusters too. I really feel like this spell needs no more explanation. You know you want it.

And there you go, more magic to make your parenting experience easier! Be sure not to abuse your power, now, or I’m gonna have to write a post about spells kids can use to get revenge on their parents.

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